Freedom and a prayer request.

So, I've never actually watched Braveheart, but even I know that this is the battle cry that the main character calls out as they rush to meet the enemy. It has been difficult not having the freedom I am used to. I get tired when I walk across the house or do just about anything. So, I have been trying to make myself as occupied as possible, while feeling guilty that I can't help Dustin as he tries to work from home, take care of the kids, and keep the house live-able. However, God showed me a verse in Isaiah that talks about liberty and freedom. Since it's Memorial Day, I couldn't think of a more fitting topic. He showed me the verse in the middle of night...for those of you prayer warriors, I would ask that you pray for sleep for me. I think my body is just so confused, it is not cooperating at all and I really need sleep to help with the whole healing process.

So back to that freedom verse that God brought me to...Isaiah 61:1 "The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, Because the Lord has annointed me to bring good news to the afflicted, He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim LIBERTY to captives and FREEDOM to the prisoners." I am not embracing the freedom He died to give us. Guilt, frustration, and captivity is not what He sacrificed everything for me to experience...It is Liberty and Freedom...whatever our circumstances are, we can experience that Freedom and joy. We can take that promise to the bank as God tells us over and over through His Word. A special thanks to all those who have served in our military to give us freedom here! A prayer of thanksgiving to our Savior that died to give us freedom. No matter what "prison" we have allowed ourselves to live in, we can cling to the fact that He wants to break us out of it. So, thanks to everyone who is praying for our family....I will keep you "posted"=)

A Literal Second Chance at Life

I am creating this blog to tell my story of how my life changed in a few hours...of what happened (the short version) last Friday and how God spared my life. Thank you so much to everyone who has visited in the hospital, sent cards and meals, and phone calls of encouragement. It is going to be a long road ahead and we are grateful for everyone who was and is praying for us as we travel this journey. What a blessing it is to know there are people cheering and praying us along. So, I will try to keep this updated (for I don't have too much else I can do right now=) that way everyone will know how they can pray and rejoice with us as we see God answer pray along the way. So, back to the beginning.....

In just a couple of hours last Friday, my world changed from grocery shopping, changing diapers, and making plans for my getaway with Dustin to laying on an ER table with doctors and nurses surrounding me trying to get my blood levels (hemoglobin) up and IV’s in , listening to them talk about how bad things were and that my condition was “critical”. The words "ruptured" and "pregnant" stood out in my mind and continue to ring in my ears.

At that moment, I was worrying about Dustin and how he would do if….So, I told him I was a fighter and not to worry before they rushed me to the ambulance to transfer me to another hospital. I told God that I didn’t think I was really ready to go…that I had too much to do here: my kids, my husband, my youth kids …, I also told Him that my life was and always has been in His hands, and I gave it to Him-EVERYTHING. I was at peace…I truly had the kind of peace that passes all understanding…and even though no one knew at that time except Dustin to pray, I know that He was holding me in the shadow of His wings. So through the ambulance ride, and the blood transfusions, and kissing Dustin goodbye, and being slid onto the operating table with bright lights and the sound of the doctor saying he had never seen someone with such low hemoglobin levels and to order more units of blood “just in case” ( which they did use by the way) ….I still felt peace.

How great is our God….He gives and takes away…and He is still good. I have had such a hard time understanding that this year…how He could still be good and let such bad things happen. Yet I know, that through this sinful world we have to live in, He never leaves our side. No matter how much we mess up, how many times we stray, our Almighty God still loves us. That is the definition of a God that is Good... we just happen to live in sinful world temporarily.

I am still having a hard time with some of the details…with forgiveness….with the pain…the loss…, but than I heard a song that I love by Tim McGraw…”Live like you were dying”, and was reminded to not let this experience hold me back from truly living, truly loving with all my heart. I need to not focus on the part that I almost died, but that I lived. I talked to God for awhile today…truly poured my heart out…it’s been awhile since I let down those walls. I don’t want them to go back up, for than I will be missing out on one of the biggest things God is trying to teach me…yet again.

I learned to stop doing things because I need to or even want to, but do the things I am called to with everything I am. That is my purpose and what will bring God the most glory. I have had almost a week in the hospital with more blood transfusions, nurses and doctors, IV needles, and TV than I ever care to see again. I pray that God will continue to restore what the “locusts have eaten”, and that I will experience Him more than ever before. I desperately need Him for when I feel discouraged, and lonely, and in pain, I know I can always count on the One who gives me every breath and has my life planned out. I will end this entry with a quote that I have loved since High School from a famous missionary martyr named Jim Elliot “He is no fool to give what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. ” To God be the glory forever and ever-“ no matter what.